I’ve been avoiding writing. There … I said it. So many other things to get involved with, but not writing (unless it’s an email or FB or the shopping list). Sat down yesterday with my journal, stared at the blank page for awhile and then started writing all the words I could think of that began with ‘sl…’ like slug, sloth, slither.
I miss my mom. Sometimes it feels like waves crashing and I’m caught in the whorl of the wave and can’t breathe, don’t know which way is up. Other times it is like I’ve been walking for a long time and have forgotten where or why. Or maybe I am simply trying out a new recipe and want to call and tell her about it.
I miss my mom. Mostly, when I think of those words and the feelings they cause, it is like being a little girl again … not like the adult who has taken care of her for so many years. I recently read somewhere that initially, you remember your loved one as they were right before death. Eventually, you remember them as they once were. Makes sense.
My mother and I did not have a close relationship when I was younger. Even with all the testosterone in the house, we did not find ‘comfort’ or companionship with each other. We did not do the ‘hair thing’, the ‘make-up thing’, the ‘go buy the prom dress thing’. We didn’t even do the ‘first bra’ thing. She didn’t tell me about my period or about sex. Living in the wrong house, I often thought. We seemed to have so little in common.
So, if I’m now remembering her as she ‘used to be’…why do I miss her so deeply?
Here is a great article on the early detection of Alzheimer’s – http://caregiver.com/channels/alz/articles/early_detection_of_alzheimers.htm