Conversations I never thought I’d have with Mom…

It’s been a difficult week (late on the blog entry) on several fronts, but when I feel the need to laugh, I think about a recent conversation with my mother.  I hesitated to write about it, but it is too surreal not to share.  I hope I do not offend anyone.

Mom uses a nebulizer (a machine that brings medicine to her lungs, using a tube and a mouthpiece she breathes through) twice a day.  She regularly refers to it as her ‘blow job’.  “It’s time for my blow job,” she’ll say.  And I’ll chuckle, believing she doesn’t realize what the term refers to.  This has been going on for awhile and it’s a bit of a joke between my husband, David and I.

So, I’m talking to David on the phone while sitting at the dining room table with Mom, the sound of the nebulizer in the background.  He asks, “What’s that noise?”

“Mom’s doing her blow job,” I reply.

My mother turns to me with horror in her eyes.  “Don’t say that to him.”

She has never even blinked when hearing this in the past and I am stunned…and a bit curious.  “Why not?”

Her chin goes up a little and her eyebrows flair as she replies, “He’ll think I’m a bad woman.”

Again, I am stunned!  “You know what it means?”

“Yeeeeeeees (drawing the word out).  Don’t youuuuuuu?”

Now my eyebrows flair and I can’t respond.  Is she teasing me?  David is laughing on the other end of the line.  I’m shaking my head and she looks ready to explain…so I think better of it and nod madly instead.  Calmly, she puts the mouthpiece back in her mouth and turns a page of the cookbook she is reading.

Yet another chat for the list I keep…Conversations I never thought I’d have with my mother.


About hereisakiss

Daughter Writer Art's Educator
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10 Responses to Conversations I never thought I’d have with Mom…

  1. Gary Glazner says:

    Elizabeth these stories are wonderful! Are you putting them together in a book? I hope so. Congrats again! xox Gary

    • hereisakiss says:

      Hi Gary…Many of the stories are in a book entitled ‘Here is a Kiss’. I’ve been querying agents, but nothing yet. I’m attending an agent conference on Saturday, so who knows. Thanks for the good words! xo

  2. jackson says:

    Exactly the way the conversation happened. I love and miss you.

  3. Stephanie says:

    Bawhahahahaha!!! I didnt realize she called it that!!!

  4. Judy Weinstein says:

    How wonderful. Reminds me of the advice my mother would give me: “sex is wonderful and I love your father.” End of discussion.

  5. Rebecca says:

    So funny Elizabeth!! Sometimes I forget that my mother had an actual “life” before having us children. Perhaps it wasn’t as wild as my pre-marital life was (ya think??) but I’m sure she had her fun… Loved your story. Love you, too!

  6. Pingback: Oldies but goodies… | Elizabeth's Blog

  7. Sarah Thomas says:

    One of the kids I work with is 13 and is being raised by her grandmother. They’ve never had “the sex talk” so yesterday I was encouraging her grandmother to talk to her, share her values, etc. She basically summed it up with “Respecting yourself is important. There’s places it’s appropriate to wear a bathing suit, and places it isn’t. For everything else, you should ask your doctor”. Oh boy…. 🙂

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