Introduction

In 1996, my sixty-nine year old mother had a critical brain aneurysm. Three days later, my father had a massive stroke. Only days before, both were completely independent, living as they chose to live – an in-law apartment within ready distance to most of their family, a month in Daytona each winter, a small bit of savings, a bowling league twice a week, regular drives to Dunkin Donuts for coffee and a glazed.

As a family, we woke up one Friday morning and our whole world shifted (and continues to shift).

It’s been fifteen years. Now, at fifty-three, it seems when I chat with friends, our children are no longer the center of our conversations. Instead, we often talk about our elderly parents and the various questions and decisions we’re faced with, ranging from healthcare to finances to questions about their ability to drive.

Often our conversations are poignant and hard to imagine, but as often, we laugh so hard we spill our wine. I believe God gives us both sides (including the wine) to allow us to manage with grace.

My hope is this blog will become – a comfortable place to share information about eldercare and planning, celebrating small moments, upcoming legislation and cutting through red tape – a place to laugh often and loud, to whine a bit and feel better, a place to spill your wine.

Let me know what you think…Elizabeth

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About hereisakiss

Daughter Writer Art's Educator
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3 Responses to Introduction

  1. Cynthia Poselenzny says:

    The AARP website as a lot of useful resources. I would become familiar with the website and the tools they have to discuss and catalog the information that Elizabeth talks about. Before something happens. If your parent is a Veteran there are resources available that many are not aware of.

    When my Mom’s memory left and the decision was made to sell her car, she was told that it was in the shop being winterized. She commented that it had been in the shop for quite sometime – had someone borrowed it and gotten into an accident and just didn’t want to tell her. I was the one that had to explain the real reason the car was no longer in the garage. These conversations can be difficult but it helps to be prepared. Our parents even without their memory still have feelings and can sense when something isn’t right.

    • hereisakiss says:

      Cynthia…I love the AARP website……………at http://www.aarp.org. And I thoroughly read and enjoy their magazine.

      Again, you bring up a topic we could spend days discussing. I’ve spoken to many friends in this situation. We typically think our mom or dad will just ‘know’ when to call it quits (as we believe we will know when our time comes…NOT) with driving and will save us the anguish of having to pull the keys. The only instance I know where this happened was with a male friend of mine. His father simply handed him the keys one day and said, “Done.” My Mom was driving (post brain aneurysm) with one eye closed. “I don’t see double when I close one eye,” she said when questioned.

  2. Anne-Marie Cannata says:

    Thanks, Elizabeth, for this well thought out blog. It’s so true that we need all these things, yet so often don’t prepare properly. Your candor, compassion, humor and strength are revealed and refreshing. Thank you!

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